Thanks to the Internet it’s easier to seek out ways to help grow and learn. For years I lived in the here and now, never thinking about growth but instead just thinking about the fun I am going to have today. Then fun unfortunately turned into constant chaos.
My high school years consisted of slacking off, cutting school, and partying and I did not take it serious. I was the wild child as my family would put it. I never wanted to help around the house, I just wanted to hang with my friends and have fun. A typical teenager! Well that trailed off to my first year in College. It was like 13th grade so the party continued until they said it is time for you to move out of the dorms because you are not taking school serious. Well they were right because I was in full blown party mode.
Should have had a wake up call but at this point I was caught up in the wrong choices.
I quit college only to head back home to work in catering and I enjoyed that job only because the money was really good. If I was smart I would have saved all that money but instead the party continued. I did not know what to do with the rest of my life. A friend and I decided we were going on vacation to Hawaii. Well she changed her mind and I went anyway and stayed in Hawaii. Well that was an eye opener in the job market because catering was different there. So Instead I did odds and end jobs starting pay 4.25/hr. Crazy when I think about it.
I got back into an unhealthy relationship that started in High School hoping things would work out but not so much. It was toxic. He continued to party and I started to slow down. I could no longer keep up. The reality of being an adult and paying the bills were hitting me straight on.
Basically my life was a mess and I was not growing, I was drowning.
I knew something had to change but I did not know what to do. I was living a life without any goals. Living a life unaware of what I was doing to my future self. But when I started to notice I found myself in the middle of an unhealthy relationship, drowning in debt and making one bad choice after another.
It is amazing how we can be struggling in one area of our lives and doing well in others.
That was in my personal life but my work life was a bit different. I remember my first job working on a computer. It opened my eyes to a whole new world of opportunities. I started digging in and learning what I can on my own as well as becoming a sponge to those who wanted to show me new things. One thing I did learn about me was my willingness to learn new skills. I had many jobs since then on the road to self discovery I guess. In my eyes I was keeping busy to avoid reality at home.
When I look back now all that crap I went through was part of my personal development lifelong journey. Just started to recognize that a bit later in life. I knew what I did not like and was learning new skills to find what I did like. I wish I could say that I found a job I loved and stuck with it until today. But that is not true. I took what I liked from a job and when it bored me I moved on.
So far my life was about just staying in survival mode with no real life goals.
As time went on I realized I wanted more. Just like everyone wants, I wanted to feel secure, safe, loved and have a sense of belonging. But instead I lost myself in that relationship by not accepting we were both not happy.
I became aware that my life needed some type of direction. So the next thing I know I was reading self help books searching the Internet about self esteem and personal development. I was at the very lowest point in my life and I had no idea how I can start again. I wanted to like the person I saw in the mirror because I got to tell you I did not for many years.
From blog to blog, book to book, I was looking for someone to tell me something that would resonate with me enough to make these changes to my life. I am drawn to the “How to’s” the “7 tips” the “5 reasons why” posts looking for that reason I am who I am and how I can grow from my experiences. I wanted a quick fix.
The willingness to seek and learn is healing.
What I learned was how most of these blogs were similar. They said the same thing but yet I kept reading. These blogs made it look so easy. Wow all I had to do was incorporate these 7 tips and I will find myself on the the right path to self discovery. Reading is much easier than incorporating those 7 tips immediately. I did dislike some of the personal development blogs because it did not relate to me. And that is ok. But the ones that spoke to me hit home. I knew I had to start at the core of my being to change who I was because I did not like who I have become up to that point.
I realized that just because everyone’s post was similar I was learning. That is a good thing, right? It is ok to like some posts and dislike others. Did you ever hear someone say you cannot like everyone? I guess that is true with blog posts as well. You may connect with the author or you may not. Do not be a hater, just move on.
So, why do I dislike most personal development blogs?
Because I don’t like things that tell me what I should know already. It is hard to face reality when it literally is staring you in your face in black and white. But in reality, it is exactly what I need to read, and face. I needed help and wanted to grow. I needed to learn that I am not alone.
We all seek the same thing in some shape or form.
Somehow we have a moment in life that we are not happy with our choices. So we start to seek out because we want to grow, learn, love, and be loved. We want to live a life that is full and with meaning. I am the first to stay I was lost for so many years but I never lost the willingness to want more. I just was so caught up in the day to day life that I did not know how to dig myself out of that lifestyle.
In all reality I do like personal development blogs. I do enjoy reading others perspective on growth. I have learned so much just by googling it. Yes some things you read you cannot believe but it is up to you to take what you like and leave the rest.
There is that moment in life that you realize you do not have all the answers. Thats ok! Maybe you need help in areas where you hit a brick wall and you do not know which way to turn. That’s ok, too!
Bottom line, keep wanting more. Growth is a good thing.
The Internet provides many ways to get the help you are looking for. Just reading about how others pull themselves out of a rut is inspiring. From where I was as “a know it all” teenager, to an out of control young adult, to now are three different people. If I could turn back time yes I would change just a few things but then again I am who I am because of all that I went through. Today I like me more than I have in years. I still have plenty work in front of me but that is my journey. I do not look at that person in the mirror with disgust and disappointment anymore. And for me that is progress.
If you just take one of those tips you find on those blogs and start there.
Take Action, Action Action!!!
Break it down so it relates to you. Bottom line- “To improve will take work”. Believe it or not, once you start to take notice that you don’t like something in your life your journey to self discovery has begun. Especially if you are reading this post. I completely understand how you feel because I disliked my life in every aspect. I did not like who I became, I was so lost in chaos and depression I did not see how I was ever going to break free. Awareness is key, do not ignore your gut because it is telling you something is wrong or right, whichever the case. Listen!
You have to start somewhere!
Now that I knew what I did not like about me, I had to change my thinking. I needed to stop focusing on the negatives.
Change your thinking!
“What do I like about me right now?”. Even though the list was really short I did find a few things that I liked about who I was.
You will know when you are ready to change. We all seek the quick fix. We hope that the words we read on the Internet is going to give us that “aha” moment. Sometimes it does. For me I realized after so much googling that once things started sounding the same I knew it was time for action. Time to get off the Internet search and work on action steps.
So I did. And here I am now. Writing my thoughts down on my blog, Squirrellyartmama. This blog is more my thoughts, my passions, my journey. Is it a self help? a lifestyle blog? a personal development blog? a art blog? a craft blog? Not sure. It is a journey blog about what I want to talk about, what I want to share about me and my passions. It really is about a person who is all over the place with many interests. So why not put it out there and share with others.
What I learned from the many personal development blogs was if I did not like something about me I could still change it. I realized that knowing who I was good and bad, was very helpful.
It gave me a platform to start with.
We all learn from others. And if you take anything from my babble above I hope it would be “Take Action”. Pick one thing you like about yourself and take action to enhance it. Don’t dwell on the things we do not like about ourselves but to focus on the good things.
Have a great day and remember “Life is the Journey, Make the best of it”.