Overcoming self sabotage came to me as I was writing my morning pages which was suggested by my reading “The Artist Way.” Who wants to see those words first thing in the morning, definitely not me. When I saw those words I reflected on this week’s reading titled “Recovering a Sense of Possibility” and thought how do the two relate.
Sabotage is the act of damaging or even destroying something deliberately. So to self sabotage you are hurting yourself. Crushing dreams, stopping yourself from achieving goals or even success.
Understanding the meaning of self sabotage can help you recognize those self sabotaging habits we tend to ignore.
So to recover from this thought process I had to look at where it stems from. Sadly I have been saying those things to myself for years and it seems to stem from my early teens. For the most part I have a hard time remembering events from back then but for some reason I can remember certain situations that came to light while writing. Several things that were life changing happened to me in my teens which I can say contribute to the beginning stages of how these negative blurts entered my train of thought.
It is important for you to try to find where it all stems from. This will allow the healing to begin.
Once I looked at those different situations and how it affected me I started to see a pattern from that point forward. Choices I made through life because of those negative blurts in my head did some damage. I never really thought about it to this level.
Thanks to this chapter I am making sense of it and I am giving myself permission to change my thinking pattern to the possibilities of achieving what I truly want in life.
Just a share of my artist date this past week, which was driving around and checking out Fall.
I don’t want to sacrifice my happiness to please others, worry about what others think, or care if someone likes me or not. I did that already and it never turns out well. The things people have said or done to me is what they did and not who I am.
Self care, self reflection is important for your health.
Why did I allow their words to affect me in a sense that it paved the road that I lived for so many years? I knew better but yet I still made the wrong choice for me. I justified what they have been saying all these years and proved them right.
Years back when I walked away from a toxic relationship that was the beginning of me taking my life back. Doing what was best for me and my kids. When I went back to school that was for me. I followed my gut and proved that I can do it. I can achieve what I set out to do. Meanwhile in other areas of my life I still was self sabotaging. So I guess that is what I am facing today as I read this chapter.
It is true what they say that life is the journey and as long as you are willing to keep learning you will keep growing.
Taking time for yourself is so important. I am definitely understanding the meaning behind it.
Facing fears and digging back into the muck of the past is something I worked hard to forget but it is now coming back in pieces. And I can see now why I chose to forget. it is important to remember, face it head on, and let go. I know, who wants to remember being violated, or living through physical and verbal abuse. Not me.
Facing those demons head on is allowing me to release the power its held onto me for so many years. I can say now those ugly moments are my past and those experiences will not define me anymore. I totally think you can blame others who hurt you for yesterday, but today is on you.
Find your voice!
Through my writing I am healing. I am sharing things a lot of people do not know about me. I am a bit vague in certain areas because I just am. But I know what I mean and that is all that matters. And if others have gone through something similar they can also read between the lines and they know they are not alone.
Bottom line, we owe it to ourselves to be the best we can be. We are worth it and we deserve all the happiness in life. Everyone deserves to find their happiness and never settle for anything less. Ok sorry deep moment!
It’s been a long road to get to where I am right now in life and I can honestly say I feel safe enough to speak out my feelings. I remember a time that I would never write certain things in my journal. No way. Afraid that others would read it. So I left it out. Now I don’t care. It is my journal, my blog, my life and I will write what I feel comfortable writing about.
It is your life. You deserve happiness.
Even though I have been working on this for some time now I realized this morning certain areas I am still living the self sabotage lifestyle. The feeling of the imposter syndrome, the voices in my head saying I am not worthy so why bother are still there in my thoughts.
We have to take a stand and stop undermining our importance, minimizing our life to cater to others, or just self sabotaging ourselves to protect ourselves from succeeding. Because that is what is happening here. Well for me it is. I say worst things to myself then I ever say to other people.
This chapter really spoke to me. The last few weeks I learned how to change up my negative blurts that I put on paper into positive ones before I finished each day of the morning pages. That was huge because now that I read this chapter and I am more open to remember why and when it all started I can let go and forgive. I know now that I am learning more about myself and who I am becoming. Wow deep!
Stay alert and rid those self sabotage moments.
One of the references in the book that I like is “finding the river and saying yes to its flow.” I am no longer stagnant. The river is a steady stream but key is that it continues to move forward.
Reading this book now is such the perfect time for me. I am in a really good place right now and ready to really explore my inner creative, why not! Letting go of old self concepts only to emerge to explore all that you can imagine.
“An artist must have downtime, time to do nothing.”
The virtue trap suggests downtime. If you do not take that downtime eventually all will pile up until you start snapping. Gosh I experience that. I spread myself so thin with keeping busy and doing things for others that I sometimes do get a bit snippy. Thats when I shut down, don’t answer the phone, and find my quiet corner. I am trying to pay more attention to taking advantage of this downtime without explaining it to others.
In “The Artist Way” it suggests the artist dates. Now that is nice downtime just for you. So far it is me taking drives to look at a view or just sitting quietly in my room painting. Although this past week I went with my kids and went fall searching. Wow the leaves changing colors is just beauty at my feet. Crazy. I took downtime for electronics and spent the day sight seeing. Then when we got home I went and painted. It was a perfect day.
As for the virtue trap I was there for awhile but now I can say I am in that mindset less than ten percent of my time. I know I still have those moments but I am no longer living a complete self destructive lifestyle. Its been a heck of a journey so far!
Looking back now I can say that I changed my thinking by wanting more for myself. I got tired of doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. That is not how it works. Change your attitude, stay focus on the small changes you can make that day, create a plan, and take action. Remember when the pressure is high, step back, re-evaluate, and regroup. Give yourself grace. It will get done in your own time.
Set small goals to build momentum!
Remember when you hear yourself saying negative blurts or you find yourself in a moment of self sabotage, step back, reflect, write it down, and come up with a solution to help you continue to move forward.
You got this! You deserve this! Be You and be proud of you!
If you are ready to set some goals, feel free to download your free Golden Acorn Goal Setting Guide.
Previous post about the Artist Way: What new emotions can evolve from reading The Artist Way.
Have a great day. Give it a try and start getting creative.
Remember art is all over the place. Embrace your creative side.~